In many careers, networking is either how you get ahead or even necessary for survival. If you like golfing, talking about sports, and after-hours drinks with friends shooting the breeze, then networking may come easily and naturally to you. These male-centric stereotypes are decades strong. But just because men dominate most networking circles doesn’t mean women are worse at networking. Same goes for men who don’t drink or follow sports. It’s an opportunity for positive disruption. By breaking up the pattern, you stand out as unique, memorable, take them out of their zone, and level the playing field making it easier to find deeper connections. Here are some A+ networking tactics I’ve learned over the years from remarkable women:
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Don’t golf? Just own up to it! Say, “I’m great at mini-golf! Watching me play golf would be just as entertaining. There’s a couple people in my office I’d be happy to connect you with who love to golf. I’ve actually been looking for some friends to do [insert fun activity here]. Are you interested?” Hiking, kayaking, ax throwing, glass blowing, harbor cruise, aquarium, cooking class, soup kitchen… there’s lots of local activities that take the same amount of time that are great for building friendship. This is your chance to stand out way more than the fourth golf round he’s played this Summer.
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Don’t know sports? Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. Be prepared with topics that make you unique and build common ground. If you can do some research beforehand, check out their LinkedIn, website bio, and ask ChatGPT. Women can fall into stereotypical conversation topics too. For me, it’s talking about kids and parenting (apologies to all those without kids who feel excluded from the “parents club”). Listen to what they’re saying. What might they value? Then ask questions to learn more. I’ve also had surprisingly deep conversations that started with, “How do you and your wife prioritize spending time together and always building your relationship?” Skip the small chat! Find their values and build from there.
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Don’t drink? You’ve got options: water, soda, chocolate milk, coffee at a French bakery. Or, don’t drink. I’m personally not a fan of eating or holding a drink while talking anyway. If you’re worried about missing out on the bonding experience, hold your ground and invite them to your battlefield instead: “I’m doing a health challenge. Would you be interested in meeting up for a mid-afternoon power walk instead?”
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Don’t have time outside work/daycare hours? Don’t compromise. And don’t say, “Maybe next time.” We all know what you’re up to – you’re prioritizing what matters most. That’s special and no one wants to or should stop you from setting healthy boundaries to defend your time. But by saying “maybe next time” you’re not only setting this budding relationship up on mistrust, you’re missing an opportunity to share why and what is valuable to you. Let them in. Take a moment to say, “Happy hours usually don’t work for me. I’ve got a new puppy at home and my partner and I take turns staying with the puppy. Can we do coffee instead or find a time to have a Zoom call? I’d love to share pictures of my puppy… unless you’re a cat person.” That will go much farther to build trust and genuine communication (which we are hunting for when networking) than blowing someone off with “maybe next time.”
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Not comfortable 1-on-1? Double up. Networking is a game of building relationships, so by inviting a colleague to join you’re helping your contact increase their sphere of connections. Chances are, they’ll want to bring along someone too. It’s a win-win-win-win!
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Not confident? You might hear that women are less confident. But perhaps, men are overconfident and tend to rush in underprepared? Either way, research, preparation, and practice will build your competence and lead to confidence. Listen to podcasts or audiobooks on networking during your drive. While I surprisingly didn’t use ChatGPT to write this time, try asking it to give you specific ideas of counter suggestions, how to redirect the topic to more meaningful subjects, and roleplay conversations with you. How to Talk to ChatGPT Using the New 'Voice Conversations' Feature (allthings.how)
Be true to yourself.
(The author, Thomas, doesn’t golf, doesn’t drink, doesn’t follow sports, and generally prefers to spend time with his wife and kids after work hours and apologizes for the mansplaining and overuse of war-based idioms.